The tears that go unoticed when a man cries

Kofo noticed that he would tear up all the time. There was nothing that Kofo could point to that made him cry. "I had a happy life. " He was married to Anjie and they had 3 kids. He had just purchased his first house in a very beautiful neighborhood that had kids around his children's age. However, Kofo noticed that when he turned 40, he felt a sadness that he was not able to figure out. Even in his happiest moments, Kofo shared that he would cry.

Names have been changed to protect the client

Kofo said that he could not share his feelings with his wife, Anjie for fear of being seen as weak. He started to purchase high ticket items to feel better. Kofo bought himself an expensive car and golfing equipment. He joined a golf club. He even started buying high end designer items to feel good. However, he still felt sad all the time. His friends laughed at him for spending so much money, and told him that he was having a "midlife crisis."

Kofo decided to see his Primary Care Physician, who ordered tests, and sent him to several Specialists to rule out the Physical symptoms. Everything came back normal.

Then his doctor screened him using a PHQ9 questionnaire, which is usually used to screen for Depression.

Even though Kofo seemed to be in denial when questioned, he was Depressed. Kofo could not believe the results of the questionnaire. His doctor immediately referred him for therapy services. Kofo said he went through a frustrating period trying to get an appointment with a therapist, even when he went through his insurance. At some point, he gave up.

A year later, when things got worse for Kofo, and his marriage began to suffer because he was isolating himself from friends and family, and crying more, Kofo reached out for assistance. He started medication management with a Psychiatrist who was also able to get an appointment for him to begin therapy through a referral. At this point, he had to share what he had been experiencing- with Anjie.

To his dismay and surprise, Anjie was extremely supportive. She even asked to join him in some of his therapy sessions for support.

Medication is not for everyone, however, it is important to seek help once something doesn't feel right.

Men and Depression

Male depression often goes undiagnosed.

While women are more likely to attempt suicide, men are more likely to complete suicide.

Asking for help can be hard for men and without treatment, it is unlikely to go away.

"The suicide rate among males in 2021 was approximately four times higher than the rate among females. Males make up 50% of the population but nearly 80% of suicides." According to the Centers for Disease control and Prevention.

Men with untreated depression are more likely to commit suicide.

If you or someone you know is in need of treatment-

Call your doctor right away

Call 911

Go to your nearest hospital emergency room

Dial 988 suicide and crisis hotline

Sources from https://www.nimh.nih.gov/